Monday, December 12, 2011

Time for a change

I've been looking at my Facebook profile picture and getting very depressed. I try not to be a vain person. I understand there is much more to a person then their exterior. Even so, we all to certain degree are guilty of judging a person by their appearance. I dont mean that necessarily in a negative sense. Well, may it is? What I mean is how a person looks, how a person presents oneself outwardly is an indication of how they feel inwardly. When I see someone with dirty clothing, unwashed hair, and a dirty face, I judge them. I may not judge them in the sense that I've condemed them as worthless because they appear disheveled. But, I have made judgements about them based on this appearance. I may make judgements about how clean or dirty their home is based on their appearance. I may make judgements that they are homeless. I may make a judgement regarding their mental state, or emotional well being. I may consider the notion that this person could be depressed, involved with drug addiction, any number of considerations would come to mind. If I see a woman wearing high heels and a dress I may make the judgement that she's on her way to work, or on a date, or to a meeting. My judgement would be depending on what time of day, and where I saw this person. These are the types of judgments I'm referring to.

If a person has a larger than typical nose, or small eyes, or narrow lips, or grey hair, these types of outward appearancece I don't judge. I do know I enjoy looking at an attractive person. If it's a person I know, I enjoy the vision I see before me when I'm talking or interacting with them. I am making judgements all the time. "I like her hair." I might say to myself. Or, boy his eyes are beautiful I may be saying in my mind. I may say something like "I like her hair better that other style, she's beautiful regardless, but her hair looks much better when she has it....." It certainly doesn't change my opinion of said person. I appreciate a person's character more, and above all else. I don't care about the exterior.

Nonetheless it gave me a sense of confidence about myself when I felt attractive. I feel beyond unattractive at the moment. I feel down right homely. I am not allowing my mind to remain in that state. Whenever I go there I redirect my thinking to something positive. However, I can't find anything, not one single solitary positive thing about my appearance at the moment. I feel unattractive in every single way. I feel overweight. I HATE my hair. It keeps getting shorter and thinner. Not because I'm loosing my hair, but because I keep going back to have it restyled in hopes that the grow out phase will be less painful. As misfortune has it, every time I go in for a restyle and "keep the length." I end up getting something thinner, and shorter namely because they've cut more layers into my hair, thereby making it appear thinner, and of course shorter. The theory is that layers add volume and lift. This is true. But, TOO many layers has the opposite effect. That is what I'm dealing with. I've been waiting since September to get beyond this grow out phase. Yet, here it is nearly Christmas and it's shorter than ever and this is the least attractive of all the styles. I can do nothhing about the hair situation, but wait. Wait for growth. Wait, wait, wait.

However, my body I CAN do something about that. I actually don't think my figure is too bad when I'm taking care of my body. I haven't been doing a very good job of that this past year. I've purchased a juicer, and stocked the fridge with fresh fruits and veggies. I've made several batches of great, healthy low cal soups. I've also increased my daily exercise. I'm giving myself 30 days to look better physically. The hair will just take it's time. But, the body should be back in shape in 30 days.

There are other reasons beyond vanity to take better care of my body. I'll address those in the next post "30 days to a new me." I'll work on that over the next few days. :D

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