Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Curves and Bumps in the Road

Looking for some words of wisdom. Hoping you'll have some. What do you tell yourself when you find you’re unable to do the one thing that makes your day worth having? It may sound dramatic. But, it’s true. When I can’t  sing I feel a bird with clipped wings. A dolphin in captivity, or like an artist with my hands tied behind my back.
My asthma/bronchitis/cough has kept me from singing for months now. I tried doing an open mic last week and wasn’t able to sing. I tried, but when I went to open my mouth my voice just wasn’t there. It was MIA. Just as I thought I was making progress and learning to control my pitch and tone I lose the ability. Soooo frustrating. The same thing happened to me last winter. I was virtually unable to sing Dec through April. I did sing. But, most days I was struggling with holding back a cough the entire time, or having to stop during each song to cough. My throat is raw and my head hurts from constant coughing.
Anyhow I can play guitar. So, I focus on that. Nonetheless, the reason I play is so I can sing. W/out being able to do that it’s just not as enjoyable. I suppose it’s just MORE work. Because the guitar has to “sing.” I need to focus more and devote more to my technical skills of playing. I am grappling with what to do about that. I don’t want to sound petty and ungrateful for the things I do have. I am very grateful for my family, my new puppy, my home, the food on my table, my job and friends. Even so, this is weighing heavy on my mind and dampening my spirit.
I’m also frustrated because it is so difficult to find other players that are willing to play music with me. I enjoy the experience much more when it is shared. Yet, I am finding most musicians want to play and perform solo. I prefer doing it with others. As I write that statement I feel like such a spoiled brat! “I prefer doing it with others.” Well, waa waa waa poor baby. Wars are being waged around the world, people are being abused, neglected and dying. Yet, I am down trodden because I can’t find musicians to play music with me. What a spoiled brat I am.
Anyone reading this, if you have any words of wisdom that help you when your dreams are put on hold for nearly  ½ a year please share them with me.
Thanks for caring enough or being interested enough to read my blog. :D

This is a link to my first original song. I didn't sing all the versus and a bridge. The reason I"m posting it is because it's the night I tried to sing with the cough I've had for months. I didn't have any voice left. Makes me sad. 

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